life hacks

I have two daughters and they are very wise, wise beyond their years.

Living with them is like having “Dear Abby” at my beck and call. They are ready to dispense advice when I ask for it and consolation and comfort when I’m a depressed puddle of goo. As a mom, I must’ve done something right for them to turn out so level-headed and well-adjusted – or so I’d like to think. Most likely they’ve turned out well despite me, not because of me. Parenting is often by trial-and-error and we are blessed when our kids grow up to be fine people notwithstanding our mistakes.

Ik is 12 and Alex is 19. Their thoughts on relationships and other topics:

On people who hate on you:
Ik: “Haters gonna hate. They’re wasting their time, using their negative energy to devise ways to hate you – it’s not benefiting them.”
Alex: “”You jelly?” They just jelly.”

On being dumped:
Alex: “It’ll hurt for a while, but you were okay before them. What makes you think you won’t be okay after?”

On divorce:
Ik: “It’s good to not keep yourself attached when you’re not in love anymore and it’s awkward when you’re sharing the same house and bed and “Hiiii.” It’s a good idea to just get them out of your life.”
Alex: “Bring out the divorce cake!”

On exes:
Alex: “Wish them happiness. Don’t wish them run over by a tractor.”

On communicating with your exes:
Ik: “Don’t.”
Alex: “If they were real bleeps, cut off all communication. And body parts.”

On being single:
Ik: “Enjoy life while you can, and don’t fret about being single because it’s fun to not be obligated to be attached to be one person. And you save more because you don’t spend too much money on Valentine’s Day.”
Alex: “Oh, well.”

On failed relationships:
Ik: “It’s the past, get over it! Let it go, because if it failed in the first place, you aren’t perfect for each other and you should just get over it instead of showing up on their lawn drunk going “I miss yoooou.” And search for the right one instead.  Lots of people have wasted their lives over people who aren’t even the right one.”
Alex: “What about?”

On life in general:
Ik: “Make the most of it because life is short.”
Alex: “What she said.”

Bonus advice from Alex and Ik!
On pizza:
Ik: “It’s great, it’s delicious, I love it! Shakey’s, Pizza Hut, or Yellow Cab? All three.”
Alex: “If it comes with Mojos, all the better.”

taste more:

Everyone had left the office and I was all alone, finishing the backlog of work that I had procastinated on. It was getting on for supper time, and I was hungry.

I rooted about in the supply cabinet for crackers – none. All I found was a couple tablespoons of brown sugar in a plastic container, with a scoop thoughtfully placed inside. That was for coffee. There was no coffee. There were, however, steno notebooks, staple wires, and reams of copy paper.

In a tall filing cabinet I found toilet paper and a bag of 3-in-1 coffee sachets. No crackers. They were all gone.

My stomach growled. I tried to think – where else could I have stashed food?

My bottom roll-out drawer was empty. I could have sworn I had chocolate-covered cookies in there. My last hope was the round candy tin. I found no crackers – I had eaten them all – but I did find chocolate.

The sun shone even if it was nearly seven o’clock at night, birds sang and flowers bloomed and butterflies flitted around my head as I reached for one Ricoa Flattops, peeled it, and popped it into my mouth. Ahhh. Sweet bliss of sugar rush. I was renewed, recharged, re-energized!

It pays to stash candy in the office for munchie emergencies. I highly recommend doing so.

Image here.

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There are mornings when I sleep in and wake up with the sun high up, with nothing more on my mind than to spend the day the way I want to – in unhurried Web surfing, writing, and reading whatever takes my fancy.

The Italians call it dolce far niente – “pleasant idleness”. Literally, the phrase means “sweet doing nothing”.

“Dolce Far Niente” (1904) by  John William Godward, English artist (1861 to 1922). Image at the Art Renewal Center gallery here.

Let’s not begrudge ourselves the time for the kind of idleness that calms and heals; not every moment needs to be filled up with the frantic scurrying that is merely make-work and leads to the stress that is the bane of modern society.

Sometimes we need to recharge, reconnect with ourselves and remember what matters to us most, in an afternoon of dolce far niente. Light a scented candle or burn a stick of incense; curl up in a favorite armchair or on a pile of pillows covered with white eyelet lace, book or Kindle in hand. Read, or allow your thoughts to wander to the happiest moments of your life. Dream for the future, for it can be as sweet as you make it.

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The office can be a depressing environment. People were not meant to spend their days penned up in cubicles away from natural light, air, and the sight of blue sky and green growing things.

Getting in touch with nature can elevate mood and reduce stress. To improve the atmosphere at work, bring the outdoors in with plants and flowers. Here’s a look at my desk “garden”. It’s a Muji plastic makeup tray on which I placed several indoor plants growing in plastic pots and two bottles which I use as flower vases. I place fresh flowers on Monday and toss them on Friday when we leave for the weekend.

Aside from plants, display things that make you happy when you look at them, like this calendar by Workman Publishing. I got it half-off at Fully Booked, and it is like a mini-art book, displaying a beautiful picture of a shoe on each day’s page.

“Suede day shoe with decorative cut-outs and silk pompom, France, c. 1680s.”

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“Galaw-galaw, Neni,” said Doc Nonoy. “Move it, move it.”

“Walk fast and live long,” said Doc Amer.

Both physicians were my classmates from elementary to high school. Sometimes we see each other now that we’re older, and I’m struck by how they still look like teenagers. I, on the other hand, also still look like a teenager, but weigh twice as much as one.

Both of them have been into running since back then.

I have been into avoiding running since back then (like, what? where’s the fire?) but I can manage to put one foot in front of another to walk.

The new year having rolled around again, as it does every year, I trotted out that hoary old resolution of getting more exercise, and walking it is because it doesn’t require highly-developed motor coordination skills.

So today I went to the mall and bought a Cuisinart four-cup coffeemaker with steel carafe, endorsed on the box by chef Paul Bocuse. I’ve used a French press for eons and felt it was time for a change.

What does this coffeemaker have to do with exercise? We’ll get there, I promise.

This brand of coffeemaker advises the use of paper filters, and comes with two free ones. I do not like my coffee tasting of paper and I do not want trees chopped down just for me to get my caffeine on.

Well, what do you know, the Starbucks across the street from the appliance store had this lovely mesh permanent filter.

I went home and made coffee using ground arabica I bought in Baguio last July, since all my fresh coffee was at the office. The old Baguio arabica was stale and tasted horrible.

I refused to give up on brewing coffee en hora mismo in that smart Cuisinart. So I walked about a kilometer from my house to the nearest Starbucks, where I got this bag of Caffe Verona in the sweetest scarlet Valentine’s Day packaging. (I always was a sucker for cute packaging.)

I walked another kilometer back home and settled down to brew myself some strong, bold coffee for a night of writing.

And that’s how my love for coffee motivated me to get some exercise today and obey my physicians’ instructions.

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..not the Slave Leia outfit. Rather, thirty pounds so she can get back in it.

Last Wednesday the actress launched her partnership with the Jenny Craig weight loss company, not only to lose weight but also to change the way she “interacts with food as a whole.”

Fisher played Princess Leia Organa in the ’70s Star Wars trilogy, and one of her most memorable costumes is the ‘metal’ bikini she wore while a captive of the repulsive and villainous slug Jabba the Hutt.

In her blog post on the topic she writes:

I wish I still had the body I had when I was attached to that giant slug wearing that metal bikini… You know, I swear when I was shooting those films I never realized I was signing an invisible contract to stay looking the exact same way for the rest of my existence… Must have been in the small print.

So anyway, this is where my friends, at Jenny Craig come into the picture. The truth is I’ve been unhappy with my weight for a long time now, & so when the world takes a snapshot of you like that and you get locked forever into it, it doesn’t make it any easier.

I adored her in the Star Wars movies, but for me she is Leia only on the screen; I admire her as the strong person that she is, actress and writer and human being, whatever she looks like. Fisher portrayed Leia; she is not Leia.

But most people tend to judge celebrities more harshly than they would ordinary people. They are held to higher standards. Fame comes with a price.

Yet she is doing this not only to regain her looks, but also to become healthier. Her positive steps towards wellness are an inspiration to all of us struggling with weight issues.

Slave Leia image here. Carrie Fisher image here.

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My late father was into yoga in the 1970s, during the hippie age here and abroad. He said he even helped the first Krishna devotees set up in Manila, having met their founder guru (an American man) at the airport, and befriended him. He helped find an apartment for the group. One thing he could not forget was how the guru insisted on glass or ceramic things for drinking and eating, never plastic, which he said were unclean. Or couldn’t be cleaned properly. Or something like that.

In any case, that meeting heralded the start of my father’s interest in Eastern religions and rituals. He would sit cross-legged with eyes closed, at night, in the dark, in the living room, with only an incense stick burning, as my sister and I tiptoed hush hush around him, wondering if he had fallen asleep sitting up. Later he said he was “meditating.” We wondered if that was another word for “napping uncomfortably in places other than the bedroom.”

He continued his vegetarianism (begun when he was an adolescent and a Seventh-Day Adventist), and avoided over-processed food  - no white sugar, brown sugar and honey were his preferred sweeteners; brown rice instead of white; wheat bread instead of Tasty; cottage cheese instead of cheddar from the supermarket.

He took us with him to eat at the now-defunct Gandharva restaurant in Manila, which smelled more of incense than food. It was a self-service cafeteria where one took trays to a counter, piled them with curries and rotis, and took them to eat at tables besides walls hand-painted from ceiling to floor with colorful murals of Krishna and Arjuna and Radha. We always wondered why Krishna’s skin was a striking deep blue.

He burned incense nearly every night that he was home during the yoga years.

So when I saw these incense sticks and incense case at Scent for Senses in Megamall last week, I made sure to take them home. The incense box is studded with inlaid brass stars and has a carved fretwork lid and sides, which allows the scent of incense placed inside to waft gently into the room, even when the incense is unburned.

Rose incense smells of the flower; clove and myrrh remind me of the scents my father used to burn, the names of which we did not know. I do remember he also had sampaguita and sandalwood sticks.

Inside the box is a groove to catch falling ash. The sticks shown here are rose-scented masala (hand-dipped).

The metal disks are for incense cones. The holes at the sides at the box are for holding the incense stick while burning.

A compartment beneath the box is for storage.

In Hinduism, as in other religions that use incense in their rituals, the burning of incense is used during worship as a vehicle for prayer to reach the gods. The fragrance reminds worshippers of the positive attributes of the deities that they must imitate. One of my father’s friends  named me after the Hindu goddess of peace - Shanti Devi. I have been trying to live up to the name ever since; not succeeding all the time, but getting better at it.

An image of Lakshmi Devi, Goddess of Wealth and Health, who is also the Goddess of Peace in one of her 108 avatars. Image here.

Sometimes peace doesn’t come easy. Sometimes you have to work at it by examining your life and consciously making decisions to eliminate causes of stress, and finding whatever you enjoy that puts you in a more relaxed state of mind. Let it all flow from there.

These nights, as the scent of roses wafts up from my incense box, I remember my father, who is at peace. And I am grateful I have reached a point where I have that in my own life as well, where serenity and calm are as fragrances to my nostrils.

As they say at the end of the Upanishads – “Om shanti shanti shanti.” Peace peace peace.

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Refilling a fountain pen in some haste the other day, I got a smudge of ink on the back of my hand which I didn’t notice until later. By then the ink had crept into the faint lines on my skin. Ordinarily invisible, the lines were thrown in sharp focus, the ink creating a tracery like a spiderweb or rivers on a map.

The bracelet is of amethyst, lapis lazuli, and sodalite beads; in the background is a Christmas quilt I made some years ago.

Life experiences are like that – they shape and define us, and influence our decisions and actions, because they become embedded in our psyche. For instance, in the face of too much pain and rejection over the years, the initial reaction for some may be sulky withdrawal or acting out. Others prefer to say goodbye, let go, and look forward to what comes next. Because there is usually more than one way to approach a problem, the question to ask is, what tack is more productive? More constructive? More likely to lead to situations of happiness and contentment?

The ink on my skin looked like a stain. What kind of experiences have made that sort of mark on us? Do these mind stains have negative or positive effects on our behavior and attitudes?

It will soon be 2011, a new year and the beginning of a new decade – an auspicious time to make a fresh start. I considered my life so far and the options I have for future directions, and realized that I am trapped by constructs of my own making: expectations, desires, and illusions which had crept like ink into the crevices of my soul.

I was the one holding myself back.

Once I understood this, I resolved to let loose of the mental moorings that tie me down. To be untethered, I must set myself free to breathe and create and live.

Some of the things on my “to do” list for 2011:

1. I will no longer “hold back what is owed to the work.” (See poem by Marge Piercy below.) My life informs my art. My experiences are the raw material from which I create. My stories are born from the narratives of my life. My life is filled with people, places, and happenings. And some of it or all of it will find its way into the stories and essays that I write and the photographs I take. I will give to the work what is owed to the work. Having made this decision, I can now finish for publication my uncompleted pieces and start new ones that I’ve been longing to write.

2. Write a blog post everyday.

3. Do more walking. Walking is underrated and running is getting the hype, but people who have been mostly sedentary will have an easier time sticking to an exercise routine if they choose a low-impact activity. Now where are my training shoes…? Gaah, I don’t think I even have socks anymore.

4. Let go of the people and activities in my life that bring stress, and embrace those bringing calm and joy. This includes actually burning the scented Yankee Candles and incense sticks I’ve collected through the years.

5. Ink my demonstrator fountain pens – the Pilots and the Sailors. With permanently-staining Noodler’s Baystate Blue ink. Wait, maybe I’m being too hasty with this…!

6. Listen to more music. It will me take years to comprehend the oeuvres of Miles Davis and John Coltrane, not to mention The Beatles.

7. Sort my books and give away those I don’t wish to keep. What I usually do is pack books in balikbayan boxes and leave them anonymously on the doorstep of the Sta. Ana, Manila public library.

Like ink on skin, kept resolutions will be embedded within us, further filling out our drawing of ourselves, as we are the artists of our lives and it is up to us to create the rendition as we wish.

Happy New Year and New Decade, everyone!

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POP GOES THE WORLD By Jenny Ortuoste for Manila Standard-Today, 30 December 2010, Thursday

Sinful and Sweet

I was at work yesterday afternoon when someone dropped by with a luscious chocolate mousse cake. It was a three-layer concoction composed of a sinfully rich chocolate cake base, chocolate mousse center, and whipped cream rosette topping. Like all desserts are made to do, it beckoned, tempting me – “Eat me. You know you want to.” I knew it would melt in my mouth and coat my tongue with pleasure.

Yet I hesitated – it was a calorie- and fat-laden time bomb that would further expand my waistline and elevate my glucose and cholesterol levels. Should I taste it – or not?

The matter was taken out of my hands when an officemate cut a slice, plated it, and handed it to me along with a fork. Now, I couldn’t very well be rude and refuse it, could I? It would have hurt her feelings. So I sank the fork in that three-tiered treat and dissolved into a puddle of sugar-fueled ecstasy when the chocolatey goodness hit my tastebuds.

I was dumped from my cloud of baked bliss when a voice spoke. “Jenny, don’t finish that cake.” It was a visitor, one of my former bosses. “Give the rest to someone else to finish.”

I stared at the cake with different eyes. Yes, Attorney Mon was right. That cake would have gone from my lips straight to my hips. Already carrying excess poundage and having trouble losing it, any extra avoirdupois was just an added health liability I could ill afford.

Which brings me to the point of this article. The holidays are a traditionally a time for feasting, when abundance and the pleasures of the table are an essential part of the celebration. Almost every household has its Christmas and New Year recipes for ham, pasta, salad, whatever. It is a ritual, this preparation of the holiday food that is often not made at any other time of the year. And when the special dishes are served, it marks another cycle in the circle of cultural observances.

But many traditions we observe, while fulfilling psychological needs, are not always good for us. The overconsumption of sugar, fat, salt, protein, carbohydrates, and alcohol wreak havoc on our health, which we pay for in the future, if not right away in the form of, let’s say, indigestion, hypertension, and diarrhea.

After the holiday feasting, we step on a bathroom scale and watch the needle swing much farther to the right than we’d like. Some panic and look for quick fixes. Diet pills, for one. Through the years, there have been many, some with evil side effects.

Some 20 years ago, fen-phen – a combination of two drugs, fenfluramine and phentermine – caused a global sensation for resulting in very rapid weight loss.Fenfluramine was later shown to cause heart problems and other internal damage. It was withdrawn from the market and “led to legal damages of over $13 billion.” This is one case where the “cure” proved to be more harmful than the cause. (“Phentermine was not shown to cause harmful effects.”)

Undergoing scrutiny now by the American Food and Drug Administration is bupropion/naltrexone (trade name Contrave), “designed to affect the hypothalamus to decrease food intake over extended period of time…On 7 December 2010 an FDA Advisory Committee voted 13-7 for the approval of Contrave, and voted 11-8 for the conduct of a post-marketing cardiovascular outcomes study.”

The current popularly marketed medication, available over-the-counter here, is orlistat, “a drug designed to treat obesity… [by] preventing the absorption of fats…thereby reducing caloric intake.” (All citations from Wikipedia.)

Succumbing to the ease of taking a drug panders to our desire for convenience and immediate gratification. For some, under a physician’s care, such medications could even be necessary. But the best results come from the old-school way to weight loss – healthy eating that is predominantly vegetarian combined with sweaty exercise (both aerobic and strength training), adequate sleep, and less stress.

I’ve done it both ways, and only the natural method really worked and made me feel better. So this is one of my resolutions for the coming Year of the Rabbit – to regain wellness.

I will lay off the White Rabbit candy, and lace on my walking shoes once more. Because of my hypertension, I will reduce my caffeine intake. My 12-year-old daughter is helping me get healthy by giving frequent reminders. “Mama, you have to stop drinking too much coffee, eating sweets and chicharon, and sleeping late. Those are bad habits. I’m just glad they’re not illegal.” Thanks, Ik.

I must harness my willpower and discipline to achieve the goals I’ve set because it’s the only way I will get well. And only I can do this for myself – no one else. And because I have loved ones to take care of, I have to stay healthy as long as I can.

It’s a resolution I think we all need to make – and stick with. Happy new year, everyone.

My thoughts return to the chocolate mousse cake that got away. Bereft and forlorn without the other half, I console myself with a chunk of banana loaf someone else left behind. That should be healthier, I figure, because it’s got fruit in it.

Right?   ***

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