shows

This article is the second in a series of research studies about Philippine communication environments. See Part 1 for an introduction to the topic of the communication environment and its relationship to culture.

For his field trip requirement for our Communication Environment class in the second semester of 2010, College of St. Benilde’s Professor Rod Rivera revealed to us a nearly forgotten venue for films.

Quiapo’s Adult Theaters: Exposing the Underbelly of Philippine Cinema

From the premiere shopping area of prewar times to the 1950s, Quiapo has declined into a melange of depressed stores selling cheap merchandise. Here one browses for new and used goods on dusty shelves, rubbing elbows with working folk seeking bargains and the dressed-down middle class rooting out new-old stock items for collections and vintage gems like vinyl records and ukay clothes.

The surroundings are grim and depressing. Yet it is a vibrant and thriving hub of buying and selling, of coming and going.

Somewhere in this maelstrom of commerce  are the decayed remnants of a once-thriving entertainment center – the cinemas of Manila.

The  Architecture

The old movie theaters in this area have seen their glory days come and go. Many, judging from the style of architecture, date back to the 1950s and ’60s. To pull in the pesos and keep financially afloat, they screen R-rated movies that border on the X.

The facades,though dingy, are colorful, trying to attract with hand-lettered banners, printed promotional posters, and old-fashioned painted billboards. The latter are a surprise; I didn’t know they are still being made, as they are laborious to make and the art died out when the technology for computer-printed tarpaulins became more cost-effective.

One theater was tucked into a crumbling building. To reach it, one must walk a narrow passageway, subject to the scrutiny of people outside and inside the place. Thus, watching a film there involves making a conscious decision exposed to the public eye.

Along the entryway was a girlie bar, the photographs of its dancers displayed on a garishly-lit notice board.

“Like attracts like”, it’s been said, and that is true of this environment, where forms of carnal entertainment, from the physical to the celluloid versions are housed together in one building.

We ended up buying tickets to watch a film at Vista Cinema, a fairly decent place considering what the others looked like. The prices are not too far off those charged in malls, yet still less expensive by twenty or thirty pesos. By this tactic the owners hope to draw in people who might otherwise patronize the bigger chain cinemas.

The Theater-Goers

As befits the surroundings, the clientele are those looking for cheap thrills in the afternoon, or a quiet snooze in an dark, airconditioned cave. From what I could see in the flickering light, they were all men. It was quiet inside; no babies whining, no teenagers laughing. The silence was broken only by the drone of the film’s soundtrack, the hum of the airconditioner, and an occasional soft snore. It was a place for titillation, but also for relaxation – at least while we were there.

The Artifacts

The posters displayed outside the theater (see gallery pictures) bore the conventional double-entendre one-word titles reserved for what were called “bold” or “bomba” films – “Booking”, “Binyag”, “Pitas”. Most of them were indie-produced. Surprisingly, the film we saw was well-acted and well-written, the narrative rife with riveting twists and turns, for all that it was a formulaic tearjerker, with dark elements of poverty and homosexuality and death. Heterosexual lovemaking scenes were inserted almost at random, to satisfy the urges of its target audience. Were they edited out, the film could have been shown in any chain moviehouse.

Yet it is precisely the carnal content that keeps films like these confined to screenings in cold dark caverns like these in the heart of the city, ironically trapped by that which makes them profitable.

Click on a photo, and click again to see a full-size image.

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For many of us, the word ‘galleon’ brings to mind the times we fell asleep listening to Philippine history teachers drone on about the “galleon trade” between the Philippines and Mexico. Come exam time, we’d frantically scramble to memorize dates and places and names and other bits of trivia, without realizing the significant impact of this era upon our country’s economy during that time, and how it extends to the present day.

The National Commission for Culture and the Arts commemorates the enduring influence of the galleon trade with its Dia del Galeon Festival, which kicked off earlier today at the National Museum.

From the NCCA event handout:

With a 250-year history that connected four continents, the Galleon Trade was an essential trade route that served as a vessel for cultural exchange.

The whole world knows about the Silk Route, the Amber Road, but what about the Galleon Trade? For more than 250 years, the Philippines was the center of the world, with Asian, European and Latin American goods being traded on its very soil.  The galleon ships, the largest vessels during the time, were built by hand from Philippine hardwoods. Built by  expert seafarers, the Filipinos, these ships would travel for the next  two and a half centuries, changing the face of the world as we know it.

Via the galleons, Mexican chocolate was brought to Asia, Spanish music was brought to the Philippines, and the world was introduced to Philippine abaca and flowers like the ylang-ylang.

Somewhere in Mexico, there is an entire clan with the last name “Maganda”. They have lived there for more than 200 years.  In that same coastal region, the locals like to drink the sap of the coconut, which they call tuba.  Today Filipinos enjoy eating champorado and tamales. Coincidence – or the Galleon Trade?

What’s interesting to learn is that not only goods like shawls (manton de Manila), hemp, and sugar were traded, but also culture. Like the overland Silk Road that connected China to Africa and the Middle East, the maritime trade carried influences from around the world to the Philippines, through food, customs, art, and knowledge.

The Galleon Trade was a result of our colonial past, which, for all its disadvantages, also brought positive influences that helped shape our country into what it is today.

The NCCA has lined up other activities in connection with this event:

OPEN WORKSHOP
September 24-28

·      Lectures on arts, heritage, and indigenous impact
·      Music and movement workshops

Venue: National Museum of the Filipino People
Admission: P2,500  or P3,800 with food

REUNIÓN
October 8
An intercultural dialogue and culminating activity for workshop participants and guests; these will include presentations, creative industry exhibits, and declarations for unified action on the themes and impact of the galleon trade. Major resolutions and artistic results will be highlighted.

Venue: TBA
Admission: Open to the public

PACLAS LATIN AMERICAN STUDIES CONFERENCE
October 5,6
A forum organized by the Philippine Academic Consortium of Latin American Studies that  brings together scholars to share current research.  This year’s theme is “The Bicentennial of the Independence of Latin American Nations”.

Venues: October 5 De la Salle University, October 6 University of Sto. Tomas
Admission:  Go to www.paclas.org

ESPECTÁCULOS
October 6- October 8
A harvest of performances and media arts modules reflecting on the themes of the galleon trade through its history and impact. It will include multi-cultural performances with a  production of Juana La Loca by Mexican playwright Miguel Sabido.  The play will fuse Spanish and Filipino languages with a multinational cast.

Venue: DOT WOW CLAMSHELL
Price: TBA
For Reservations: To be announced, but please send an email to NCCA  if you are interested

NAO VICTORIA
October 5-9
A replica of a 17th-century galleon from Spain will dock at the Manila Pier for public viewing. Guests can climb aboard and experience life as it was during the period.

Venue: TBA
Admission: FREE, by donation
For Reservations: To be announced, but please send an email to NCCA if you are interested

VIAJE DEL GALEÓN
October 8–11
A four-day educational trip from Manila to Cebu with on-board activities and tours around Cebu. The conference and workshop participants will lead the activities, to be shared with youth passengers.
·      On-board seminars, interactive performances, exhibits
·      On-land Galleon Trade significance reenactments, city and heritage tours

Venue: Manila and Cebu
For Reservations: Closed, the trip is fully booked

COMMEMORATIVE and REGIONAL EVENTS
A series of commemorative events wll be held including:

·      Commemorative stamp displaying the Galleon Trade Route
·      Bilingual declamation and oratorical contests
·      Pilgrimage to 35 Philippine Heritage Churches

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When I walked into the Makati Sports Club the evening of September 18, I had no idea that it was going to be a night of enchantment, filled with swirling draperies, glowing colors, and a display of talent and skill that would leave me breathless.

All I knew that it was some sort of event put on by dance teachers. It turned out to be a grand affair in its eighth edition, glitzy and glamorous, one to always remember.

The 8th Invitational Sapphire Ball is staged annually by the Philippine Dance Teachers Association, an organization of licensed professional dance teachers. Headed by Atty Chel Katigbak, the PDTA is the Philippine member of the World Dance Council and is an affiliate of the United Kingdom Alliance of Professional Teachers of Dancing.

This event was also the 6th Philippine National Championship, with categories such as Standard and Latin and open to various age groups (juvenile, 6-12 years; junior, 12-16 years;  35 and up are considered seniors).

Since it is held every September, the event is named after the month’s birthstone. Accordingly, the decor kept to a blue and white theme.

Knowing nothing about dancesport, all I did was ooh and aah and take blurred photos. Images are inadequate to convey the magic these dancers wove with their bodies, dipping and swaying in time to the beat of the music.

It is a strenuous sport while being an art form – dance – at the same time. During a latin dance – tango, shall we say, or the rhumba – the dancers are sensuous and languid, oozing eroticism from every pore. For the cha-cha or the jive, they smile widely and jitterbug across the parquet floor.

The steps are set, the poses stylized, part of prescribed routines graded by ‘adjudicators’ – yet with a flick of a wrist, the set of a hand, the wink of an eye, dancers seeks to evoke mood and emotion in their own individual ways.

During the waltz, the couples prance across the floor in a swirl of colorful, glittering gowns. Smiles are upon on the faces of the ladies, whose faces are glamorously made up with their hair in carefully-pinned chignons, for this is their big night, one they have been practicing for all year.

Among dancesport’s health benefits are cardiovascular health and muscular fitness, all in a glorious package of fun and fashion. In what other sport can you dress up and wear this much bling for?

It is an art that can be taken up at any age. The young ones are as talented as their elders, prompting the evening’s compere to remark, “These are your future champions.” Their dresses lack the glitter of their older counterparts; this is purposeful, says Atty. Katigbak. They gain the right to use the sequins and rhinestones when they are above 16.

As the dancers glide across the floor, they make it look so easy and effortless that you begin to think you can do it yourself. But closer observation of the moves show the strength and skill, honed by years of practice, that go into each seemingly facile yet utterly enchanting routine.

Each male dancer must have felt like a prince, and each woman like Cinderella at the ball, the center of everyone’s attention for one magical night a year. Congratulations to the PDTA on yet another successful jewel of an event!

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POP GOES THE WORLD By Jenny Ortuoste for Manila Standard-Today, 19 August 2010, Thursday

“Orosman at Zafira” and Divorce

For its 35^th season, the Dulaang UP of the University of the Philippines is putting on a series of productions kicking off with Francisco Baltazar’s “Orosman at Zafira”, running up to August 29 at the Wilfrido Ma. Guerrero Theater at UP-Diliman’s Palma Hall.

For those who remember having to slog through Baltazar’s epic poem “Florante at Laura” in high school, “Orosman” is the same in flavor; the dialogue is heavy reading in archaic Tagalog and hard to follow, although the narrative, as brought to life by cast members, can be comprehended from the talented and excellent performances.

Reed screens decorate the set and are moved around to create spaces, emphasize separation, and otherwise indicate location. At the beginning, the title of the play is cast upon the screens in light, which fades and shifts to a rainbow of coruscating lights.

Suddenly a woman’s low, husky tones ululate in distinctly Filipino cadences, followed by the doom-doom beat of tribal drums. At those sounds, something primal surges within, a call of the race deep within the blood that hearkens to the rhythm of forebears as the reed screens separate to reveal the singer/narrator, Zelima (played superbly by Tao Aves), clad in flowing robes, mourning the deluge that has overwhelmed their land: “Sa aming bayan, dilubyo sa aming bayan. Tatlong pacha, isang kahariang mahal; nagalit ba ang dakilang Allah, at nangyari na ang dapat na mangyari?”

Then unfolds the story of power and wealth, love and sorrow, life and death, played out in dance and song and words. The women of Baltazar’s “Orosman” are powerful: Tasy  Garrucha enchants as Zafira, princess of the Marueccos tribe, while Jean Judith Javier’s Gulnara, the beloved of Sultan Mahamud, Zafira’s father, convincingly portrays a complicated love. Both turn warrior upon the assassination of the sultan; do not be misled by the flowing gowns and the soft voices; the dulcet tones turn harsh with anger, the gowns stripped to reveal men’s clothing while staves and other weapons are waved at the moment of battle.

As the drama unfolded, I realized that the spirit of warrior women still lives in Filipinas today. Infidelity is endemic in our culture and is cause for much heartbreak in relationships. Our laws are biased towards men, who can only be charged with concubinage upon submission of proof that they have set up a household with a woman not their wife. Women, on the other hand, only have to fail once and be caught in a tryst with their lover to be charged with infidelity. Is that fair?

There are also no strict safeguards for battered women and children, despite the Violence Against Women and Children law which was only passed a few years ago. What recourse is there for Filipino women in the present day to escape from the trap of loveless marriages scarred by infidelity and violence, the wife-beating husband in the arms of another woman, often providing no support for the children?

House Bill 1799 is one such solution. Called the “Divorce Law” and proposed by women lawmakers who are among our modern warrior women, it provides a better option than the costly and lengthy annulment that is the only means at the present for unhappily married Filipinas to be emancipated.

Have you noticed how the proponents and supporters of the bill are women and progressive men, while its opponents are traditionalist men? The reactionary male lawmakers and their like-minded fellows who seek to keep women entrapped at their convenience are selfish and fail to take into account the feelings of the women who yearn for freedom and the chance to start life anew, perhaps find a man who will truly love and cherish them. Why can’t they let go?

These hidebound fogies see women as property, theirs to bind and loose at their whim, blind to the rights of women to live their own lives as they see fit, while they engage in affairs left and right. That is not fair or moral or right. If a marriage is not working, for whatever reason, why not accept that fact and take steps to set both parties free to start anew? That is better than for unhappy couples to stay together for the sake of appearance – that is hypocrisy.

Baltazar’s women took matters into their own hands when it came to love and war. Today’s women need to keep to the law of modern society; wielding swords and bows are not an option. Yet Filipinas are not without weapons – we have our brains to think and our bodies to act to support a law that is long overdue and that will give women that which are our rights and should not be withheld by those who wish to retain their power over half of the population.

As examples of strong and loving women, Zafira and Gulnara are inspirations. Some of the other cast members include Jay Gonzaga (Orosman), Kevin Concepcion (Aldervesin), Roeder Camañag (Boulasem), Acey Aguilar (Zelim), Neil Ericson Tolentino (Mahamud), and veteran Ronnie Martinez as Ben-Asar, Mahamud’s vizier. Directed by Dexter Santos with original music by Carol Bello, “Orosman at Zafira” is a must-see. Call Dulaang UP at 926-1349 for tickets and playdates. ***

Photos from Prof. Amy Bersalona of the UP-Diliman College of Arts and Letters/Dulaang UP.

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from Prof. Danilo Arao, UP College of Mass Communication

Independent filmmaker Kidlat Tahimik is this year’s recipient of the highest award given by the University of the Philippines (UP) to a media practitioner.

He will receive the 2009 UP Gawad Plaridel for his outstanding contributions to independent filmmaking on July 10 (Friday), 2 pm at the Cine Adarna of the UP Film Institute. UP officials will give him a trophy sculpted by National Artist Napoleon Abueva. As part of the ceremonies, he will also deliver a lecture on independent filmmaking.

The event is open to the public.

Inspired by the progressive ideals of Marcelo H. del Pilar (nom de plume, Plaridel) of the reformist newspaper La Solidaridad in the 1890s, the annual award honors a Filipino media practitioner whose professional integrity and commitment to public service are reflected in his or her exemplary achievements in print, film, radio, television or the new media.

Kidlat Tahimik was chosen for his excellence in the art and craft of cinema, as well as for pioneering efforts in introducing Philippine independent filmmaking to a global audience.

His independence as an artist is reflected in the non-commercial nature of his films, inspiring budding Filipino filmmakers to follow his example and to listen to their “inner duwende (dwarf).”

He joins past UP Gawad Plaridel awardees Eugenia Duran-Apostol (2004, Print Journalism), Vilma Santos (2005, Film), the late Fidela “Tiya Dely” Magpayo (2006, Radio), Cecilia Lazaro (2007, Television) and Pachico A. Seares (2008, Community Journalism).

Established by the UP College of Mass Communication, the UP Gawad Plaridel is supported by Coca-Cola Company and Unilever Philippines.

For verification and other details, please call Irene or Lynette at 920-6864 or 981-8500 local 2668 (UP CMC Office of Extension and External Relations). You may also send an email to upgawadplaridel [at] yahoo [dot] com.

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Is there such a thing as “too much pink?”

I happened to notice this particular tableau beside me tonight:

My nightgown is pink, and so are my handbag, wallet, water bottles, tissue packet, markers, cookie tin, and brocade box where I keep my mobile phone chargers.

Above my computer is a pink saddlecloth from last year’s MARHO Breeders’ Cup event (the horse that was to have used it was scratched from one of the races) which I use to cover the printer. My stapler is pink, and so are the tape dispenser, pouch for my external hard disk drives, and camera strap.

I had a mani-pedi last night and chose Orchid Pink nail polish for my nails.

Among my favorite movies are Legally Blonde 1 and 2 – mainly, I suspect, because of all the pink clothes and stuff Reese Witherspoon got to use in them.

I’m happy I can surround myself with my favorite color. Why should we deny ourselves the harmless little things that give us pleasure? Call me a responsible hedonist along Epicurean lines, where “the highest pleasure consists of a simple, moderate life spent with friends and in philosophical discussion.”

So my answer is: “You can never be too rich or too pink.”

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After a hiatus of a year and four months, I’m back on air doing the live horseracing coverage for Viva-Prime Channel at the Philippine Racing Club’s Santa Ana Park in Naic, Cavite.

With sports writer Barry Pascua last 22 March 2009, on standby to do the opening of the day’s live coverage of the races half an hour before the parade for Race 1. This was my first weekend back. Barry and I are at the grandstand.

The last two horses cross the finish line after Race 1.

Racing fans pack the grandstand at Santa Ana Park on Sundays.

I started my broadcast career in racing in 2002, when I was tapped by PRC’s then-vice president of administration Fulton Su to be a panelist for PRC’s coverage, then handled by production outfit Creative Station for Pro-Ads Marketing, the actual contractor.

Boss Fulton took a leap of faith with me, as I had no experience at all doing live racing coverage. Despite being a jockey’s wife, I didn’t have much knowledge of betting or how to do race analysis.

I did have prior on-camera experience as a segment presenter and later co-host of “Karera 2000″, a horseracing show that aired over the government station, PTV (People’s Television) in 1997. For that show, I also wrote the script for my own segment, “Karera 101″, occasionally did the script for the entire show, and directed my own segment and others like the “Jockey’s Tips” presented by rider Dhunoy Raquel.

That’s where I learned to work under intense pressure – imagine showing up at on location at a ranch, only to be told by the scriptwriter/director that he had not written a script for that day’s shooting, and having to scribble the spiels for that episode right there and then while the hosts Jackie Castillejo andYeng Guiao (professional basketball coach and current vice governor of Pampanga province) waited.

But taped shows are easy because you can do over with takes. Live coverage is fast-paced with no room for errors.

Over time, and again under pressure, I learned to analyze races and and discuss the betting with the help of my fellow panelists during the early days at PRC – racecallers Ricardo “Carding” de Zuñiga, Ernie Enriquez (brother of GMA Network’s famed newscaster Mike Enriquez), Ira Herrera (racecaller and now a panelist for MJC’s new in-house production team, San Lazaro Broadcast Network), and former star jockey and current Philracom commissioner Eduardo “Boboc” Domingo Jr. (also now the anchor for SLBN).

I stayed with PRC from March 2002 to January 2005, then I hosted for Winner’s Circle Productions at the Manila Jockey Club’s San Lazaro Leisure Park from August 2005 until August 2007, when Makisig Network took over MJC’s production and I was dropped from the roster of talents as they had their own.

The break of almost a year and a half was a welcome development as I got to rest, return to graduate school, put up my website, become a fountain pen and ink collector, and do other things that interested me.

Now I’m back, refreshed, with new ideas, and ready to resume active broadcasting again.

View from my seat at the studio: on the table are racecards, pens, favorite purple Fino pencase from Leigh, Nokia Xpress Music mobile phone, Denman hairbrush, and Starbucks “Philippines” tumbler filled with coffee. (“No coffee, no workee!”) The larger monitor displays the actual cable TV broadcast feed; the smaller one, the pool totals and odds.

Coverage essentials: racecards (Winning Time for past performances, useful for race analysis, and Dividendazo for the schedule and for marking the horses on parade, winner, time, order of arrival, and other information that I relay to viewers) and pens (Preppy ED highlighter filled with Noodler’s Year of the Golden Pig, Waterman Hemisphere, Lamy Safari 1.1 italic, Taccia Ta-ke).

As a mass communication practitioner, I’m fortunate to have the opportunities I do, in that I am doing both broadcast and print (I write a Wednesday column on racing, “The Hoarse Whisperer” for Manila Standard-Today).

Broadcasting has always been a significant part of my life because of my father’s influence.

My father, Valentino Araneta Ortuoste, started his career as a disc jockey in the 1960s in Bacolod City, playing The Beatles and The Ventures. (He didn’t like pop music, though, preferring classical, Frank Sinatra, and Nat King Cole).

Later he became a newscaster for ABS-CBN network in Manila; I was a toddler then, and he would sometimes take me with him to the studio. I don’t remember that, of course, but I have pictures, in black-and-white, me looking up at him almost adoringly, he with a smile and looking dapper in high-necked Vonnel shirts.

Pops also did commercials (a series for Palmolive shampoo with the characters “Sonia” and “Ana”) and bit parts in movies (in the 1990 film Anak ni Baby Ama, he played the wealthy businessman who gets ambushed in his car at the beginning of the film). He also performed voice-overs for radio commercials and even cut a spoken record in the late ’70s, “Happy Birthday, Love”.

I was ten or eleven when he encouraged my sister Aileen and I to do radio commercials. I remember one of them was an English cough syrup plug where I had to cough on cue. I got paid extra for doing the Cebuano version when the kid who was hired couldn’t do what the director wanted and wouldn’t stop crying. I don’t understand Cebuano very well, but was able to mimic a native speaker who read my lines to me. After that I was given more work doing dialects.

When I was in college, in the mid- to late-’80s, Pops was the anchor of “The UN Hour”, a television show broadcast on the government channel, PTV (People’s Television), during the administration of Pres. Corazon Aquino. He asked me and one of my friends from school to act as student interviewers. We met with the ambassador of Namibia; my friend was so nervous, he stuttered over his lines (“Nami-Nami-Namibia?”) but it turned out quite charming and was not edited out from the final version.

I owe my father for giving me the knowledge for this kind of work; it prepared me for when fate gave me the chance to do this. I never thought I would follow in his footsteps. But I look back now and feel grateful for the coaching he gave on how to modulate our voices and act in front of a camera, things we didn’t really understand back then, but proved useful when we needed it.

However, I’d say the most valuable lesson he taught me about broadcasting was this: “Be confident. You can do it. It seems hard at first, but it’s really not – it’s just like talking to a friend.” That’s become my broadcasting philosophy and overall approach to media work.

Another lesson is: information of any kind is welcome, because you’ll never know what might be useful to you later on. So I’m passing on the lessons learned to my daughters, knowing that they don’t appreciate or fully understand these things now, but which perhaps may serve them later on in life.

It’s important, though, to be prepared with data. Oh, and coffee helps too.

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Catching up on my reading, I finally got a copy of Khaled Hosseini’s The Kite Runner. I consider myself remiss if a movie comes out before I’ve read the book! Which is what happened with this one. Here’s a cliched platitude to bring about closure – umm, “Better late than never” do ya? – and let’s get on with the review.

For a first novel, it’s extraordinarily well-written and the pacing is fine. I couldn’t put it down – always the mark of a good read for me. Set in 1970s Afghanistan, before that country’s revolution and its occupation by Russian forces, the narrative revolves around Amir, the privileged young protagonist, and his responses to the events that shape his life.

Enchanting descriptions of traditional activities like kite-flying, woven in with bits of history, opened their world to me in a way that a non-fiction work wouldn’t have been able to do.

From the communication perspective, there are interesting insights on inter- and intra-cultural communication, as well as interpersonal communication – between family members, friends – illustrating Afghan communicative behavior.

I don’t put spoilers in my reviews of fiction, and I won’t do it here. I’ll just tell you that this work tackles the universal themes of love, friendship, and loyalty, bound up with cowardice and self-preservation, until sacrifice brings redemption in the end.

It’s inspiring.

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When He’s Just Not That Into You came out in 2004, I resisted buying a copy, even if one of my best friends got it, read it,  and loved it.

I thought, “It’s another one of those self-help baloney books that their authors write just to make money off a trend or something.” I don’t read self-help – I consider them too wimpy. I belong to the bury-your-problems-in-chocolate-ice-cream-and-then-pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps-through-sheer-willpower school of survival.

But lately, a movie made from the book came out and I wondered, how could they turn a self-help book into a movie?

I didn’t watch the movie, but I bought the book. Nothing like going straight to the source to find what’s up.

Now I wish I had read it sooner. Written by a guy and a girl who have had their share of failed relationships, the book does tell girls how guys really think. It delivers valuable and practical insights about the murky world of male-female interpersonal communication.

Basically, what authors Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, former Sex in the City writers, are saying is  - it’s no use over-analyzing a relationship. Guys tend to think one-track. And if they want out, they want out. If they tell you or show you in other ways that it’s over, accept that it’s over.

He’s not going to change his mind. He’s not going to come back. He might not come straight out and say, “I don’t love you anymore” – he may be too chicken for that or maybe doesn’t want to hurt you – but if he does, he’s telling you the truth.

Nothing you can say or do will change his mind.

If he cheats, it’s also over. Betrayal combines intent and deception. You don’t need that kind of disloyalty.

Best reaction: shut him out cold-turkey, and get on with your life, girl! In Filipino, we’d say, “Kung ayaw niya, ‘wag niya.” In other words – his loss, not yours.

Never ever beg or plead for a reconciliation. It just diminishes you in his eyes. It hurts, oh yes it hurts, but better to find out it’s not working sooner than later. Turn 180 on your high heels and walk away.

It will take a lot of strength and courage, but all of us women have that. That’s why ours is the real “stronger sex”. And it’s best to end a relationship with dignity, with your head held high, knowing that you tried your best to make it work.

As Greg says: “Don’t waste the pretty!” Make this your mantra.

Meanwhile, visualize yourself with the man of your dreams, someone who will truly love and respect you for who you are, because you are worth it!  Don’t ever settle for second-best anymore.

Behrendt continues this train of thought in his next book, written with his wife, Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt – “It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken”.

When is this going to be made into a movie, I wonder?

Bottom line: great reads. And they’ve changed my mind about self-help books, because goodness knows ain’t no one gonna help you, baby, but yourself.

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